Tag: letting go

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Why Is It So Important to Learn to Exhale?

Wait a minute, I already know how to exhale. I do it hundreds of times a day, without even realizing it! Why would I need to learn how to exhale?

Good question.

As I work with my patients, the comment I often get is, “wow, I didn’t realize that I was never really exhaling!”

But how can that be? Read onwards, my friend, and I’ll explain it all.

When we breathe, we have many degrees to which we can move air in and out. There is simple survival breathing, which is just enough air to keep us alive, some may call this a “shallow breath.” This is how many of us breathe when we are still and not moving.

If we spend a lot of time still and not moving, or if we have life events that put our nervous system in a state that tells us we are not safe, and we should be as still as possible as a survival mechanism, we can get stuck in a shallow breath.

“Form follows function and function follows form” is a tenet of how our physical structure adapts to our environment. When we don’t breathe deeply, our ribs and surrounding structures don’t move. When our ribs don’t move, it’s harder to breathe well.

Oh, well the solution to that is easy, just breathe deeper!

For some reason, our common societal belief is that to breathe deeper, we need to take more air in.

While this is true for some people, it’s definitely not true for many. And, almost EVERYONE needs to first get air OUT before you can effectively get air back in.

This Ribcage is Too Big!

Some ribcages are “hyperinflated.” Barrel-chested, military posture, ribs pushed up in the front, all these positions indicate that there is some dead air hanging out in those lungs, for who knows how many years.

How are you supposed to get new fresh air in if your lungs are already full of dead air?

These people can’t get air OUT.

Think of it this way. Your lungs are a balloon (this is a gross analogy, but just go with it 🙂 ). You fill the balloon with air (inhale), then let a tiny bit out (exhale). Next breath, you need to fill the balloon with air again because you need oxygen to survive. But still, you let out just a little. Over time, that balloon will get bigger and bigger, despite feeling like you need more and more air!

Of course it would feel like you need to inhale, because each breath in is so small since those lungs are already packed full. But what you really need to do is get that dead air out!

Getting a complete exhale, all the way to the bottom, gets that dead air out. For these individuals, when they feel that they have exhaled completely, they are often surprised to find that there was still more air in there to exhale.

Once that dead air is out, the ribcage and diaphragm positions can return to normal, and functional breathing can be restored.

This Ribcage is Too Small!

Some ribcages become rigid and small, collapsed in on themselves. They can’t get air in OR out. Their diaphragms can’t do the magnificent action they were designed to do, simply because there is no room to do it.

People with this kind of ribcage absolutely need to invite some expansion into their lives, but in order to do that, a diaphragm needs to be awakened and revitalized.

Achieving a complete, relaxed exhale triggers the reptilian brain to restore the breathing pattern that is primally wired within each of us.

Getting all your air out in a relaxed way is like a reset button for your nervous system.

When you reset in this way, you don’t need to try to get air in, it just flows in! You may need to do some specific exercises to open and expand your chest wall and lungs and bronchi (in certain places and directions, but I won’t get into all that here), but by simply getting your air out, you’ve already done an amazing thing for your whole system.

How does air just “flow in” after a complete exhale?

When you exhale completely, you let all the air out of your lungs. This creates a vacuum- air HAS to flow into that space due to the laws of physics- air will flow from an area of higher pressure to lower pressure.

It’s like when you open a hot oven and all the heat blasts out- the high pressure hot air must flow into the lower pressure cooler room. You don’t have to do anything the make the hot air flow out, you can’t even stop it flowing out! It just happens.

When we try to actively pull air in, we end up using accessory muscles, i.e. your neck. Just trust me on this one, you don’t want to breathe with your neck. Your neck has enough work to do already managing your head on the rest of your body. Using your ribcage to breathe is a much better way to go.

This Ribcage is Juuuust Right.

The human body is an amazing design! Sometimes it’s just hard to get out of our own way and let it do what it needs to do.

Allowing air to move out completely has so many more benefits than simply restoring ribcage and diaphragm position (although the restoration of those contributes to all these other factors I will share with you).

Benefits of Exhaling Well

  • Decreased heart rate (by stimulating “rest and digest” nerve fibers).
  • A more balanced inhale to exhale ratio, which reduces stress levels.
  • Reduced states of hyperinflation.
  • Improved digestive action of the gut.

So the question is, why wouldn’t you wan to exhale well?

Remember, exhaling is about softening, releasing, and letting go. Sometimes (or a lot of the time?) this can be harder to do than tensing, clinging, and holding on. So give yourself some patience and grace as you work towards a fuller exhale, and eventually a more expansive breath (and life!) as a result.

Here is a short video on how to get some air out, based on the primary breathing method from the Postural Restoration Institute, or PRI for short.

Be well, my friend!

Kindly,

Dr. Derya

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Improve Your Breath to Improve Your Life

I used to hate hiking and running. I was always the slowest one, gasping for air, my neck and shoulders for some reason aching and killing me. I could really relate to the term “sucking wind.”

It just felt like I couldn’t get enough air.

Even when I would diligently hike and run more often, I never got a sense that I could breathe better. I was getting better conditioned, but it always felt very hard. I didn’t understand why, even though I trained regularly, friends of mine who hardly ran or hiked at all would zoom past me up the trail.

I thought, “there must be something wrong with me.”

After I had a pretty severe bike accident, my symptoms became much worse. Instead of just feeling out of breath, when I got left behind in the group my lungs would literally close up. I couldn’t breathe. I thought I might die. “Is this asthma?” I thought.

These days, I am the one zooming up the trail.

I surprise myself at how sometimes, even after I haven’t been training at all, I can easily hike or run without getting out of breath. I never get that feeling of my lungs closing up. Now it’s way more enjoyable to run and hike, and I look forward to it! I feel that I am getting fitter and can go further each week.

So what was going on with me?

Two things. The first was poor lung compliance and perfusion, a.k.a. my ribcage and therefore my lungs weren’t moving well, which didn’t allow me to exchange enough oxygen into my blood stream.

So, even though I was constantly exercising, my tissues weren’t getting the oxygen they needed. No wonder I always felt out of breath!

Turns out the reason my neck and shoulders hurt while hiking and running was because I was trying to pull air in with my neck! My ribcage, lungs and diaphragm weren’t working well together to pump air efficiently in and out, so my neck and shoulders decided to take over.

The second thing holding me back was trauma.

Since my bike accident, if I exerted myself too much, especially with other people around, my body would go into a state of “freeze.” I would check out mentally, close off socially, my lungs would seize up and I would have to sit on the floor and gasp until I could get up again. I think some people might call this a panic attack.

I know now that my ribcage mobility and my trauma were related.

Because I didn’t breathe well in the first place, it was harder for me to breathe and sense the fluctuating rhythms in my body.

Through a lot of trial and error, I eventually found that PRI techniques, in addition to working with a skilled somatic therapist, I was able to overcome both of these obstacles. And because of the huge impact it has had on my life, I now I help others do the same.

The way our bodies work is NOT like a mechanical machine.

We can’t pretend that a breathing issue only affects our lungs. We are constantly affected by what’s going on inside of us and around us, both physically and mentally. We need to be able to shift side to side in our lungs, our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. Stuck ribcages prevent lungs shifting. Stuck mindsets prevent bodies shifting. Stuck beliefs and trauma prevent our spirits from shifting.

The reason overcoming stuck patterns in the body and mind is difficult is because it’s about softening and letting go.

This means allowing air in and out instead of forcing our bodies to breathe a certain way. Releasing tension instead of holding on.

So many of my patients struggle with softening and letting go (myself included).

If I tell someone to tense a muscle, they can almost always do that. But if I ask them to soften and relax a muscle, it is much harder.

Similar to how our muscles become rigid, our minds can do the same thing. Here’s an example:

Someone asks you about an issue that you are strongly against. Very likely, you get worked up and talk fervently about all the reasons you think it is wrong. But if you are asked to see where the other person is coming from, and why they might feel the way they do, it will probably be much harder for you to give an answer.

This is just one way we become rigid- with our beliefs. It’s much harder to change the way we think about something than it is to keep thinking what we always have.

Can changing the way our lungs move help us overcome trauma?

Trauma is a state of being disconnected from our bodies. It’s a survival mode where there’s no room for feeling, because before our feelings were so terrifying and painful that we don’t want to risk going there again.

Trauma lives in our bodies, not in our thoughts.

We can’t think our way out of trauma. But we most certainly can feel our way out.

Sensing the breath is one way to sense our bodies again, which is the first step to overcoming trauma. We must learn to sense the ever-changing flow that is always occurring in our bodies. And at the center of our bodies lie our lungs, whose function is to manage flow. Flow of air in and out, flow of oxygen to our tissues, flow of byproducts back out into the world.

*Please note that sensing the breath is not appropriate for everyone who is working with trauma. So, if you find that noticing your breath feels uncomfortable for any reason, take a break for now and consult with a provider to help guide you in this process.

Our lungs remind us of how connected we are to everyone and everything around us.

We use our lungs to create air for our voice so that we can communicate with others. The carbon dioxide that we don’t need is expelled by the lungs to provide nourishment to trees and plants. And those very plants provide oxygen back to the bronchial trees within us.

As Pocahontas said,

“…we are all connected to each other
In a circle, in a hoop that never ends”

(Sorry, couldn’t resist the Disney reference!)

Do You Find Yourself Holding Your Breath?

When we don’t breathe, we don’t shift. When we don’t let go, we become rigid. Letting air out is an excellent way to start bringing flow back into your body via the breath.

Most people think of the inhale as the main part of the breath. But an inhale is only as good as the exhale before it.

Think of it this way. If you didn’t get all your air out, your next inhale will not bring in much fresh oxygen! There’s just not enough room with the lungs partially full of old air.

Furthermore, if you don’t exhale all the way, your lungs and ribcage don’t get to move through their full range of motion. Now you are working towards rigidity in a pattern of half full lungs, and you are reducing the amount of flow in your body.

The less your ribs move, the less your diaphragm moves, the less massaged your gut organs get by the movement of your diaphragm, and you become more rigid in your digestion.

The less air you get out, the more your body shifts into a state of fear and tension.

Think of your lungs as a balloon. If you never exhale completely, that balloon keeps getting more and more filled with air, and you feel like you’re floating away from the ground. We need a sense of the ground to feel stable, supported, and, well, grounded!

One way to start creating more flow and learning to let go is by letting air out.

Notice that I didn’t say FORCING air out (which is what most of us tend to do). It’s about allowing the lower front ribs to soften down instead of cramming them down.

Here is a short video on how to find an exhale breath that will get your ribs and lungs moving again.

Think of this breath as a sigh. Like you’re getting into a hot bath, or arriving home after a long day and sinking into a nice soft couch. “ahhhhhhh.” After that first delicious sip of an ice cold drink on a hot summer day, “ahhhhhh.”

If you like, take note of how you feel before and after doing this breath for about 5 rounds of 5 breaths. Has the quality of your breath changed? How about the quality of your mind? Your mood? You may be surprised by the results.

To take this a step further and work on sensing your body in addition to sensing your breath, practice also feeling the places where your body touches the chair, and/or where your feet touch the floor. Notice if you’re tensing your shoulders or your face, and see if you can soften there.

More and more throughout your day, be aware of what’s happening in your breath and your body.

Just noticing your breath, and not even trying to change it at all, is an incredibly powerful technique. You can watch your body find it’s rhythm again.

*Again, If doing this makes you feel anxious or uncomfortable, consult with a provider who can help you work through the process of getting back in touch with your body.

So if you’re like me, and you’ve been trying really hard to get better but things still don’t feel right, breathing and sensing might be the missing link.

Don’t underestimate the power of finding the flow in your lungs, your mind, your spirit. Trust me, I’ve been there, and I’ve made it to the other side. And I know that if I can do it, so can you!

If you want to work with me on this or just have questions on next steps, feel free to send me an email or leave a comment below. Derya@MyEssentalPT.com.

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Listening to Your Body: Why It’s So Hard!

I wasn’t always an active person. In fact, growing up I was a total bookworm. I hated sports, I was the slowest person in gym class, and I spent most afternoons curled up with a book or watching TV.

In high school I started working out and watching my diet, and it felt really good! I was also getting more attention from classmates, the cool girls and guys who had never noticed me before were striking up conversations and inviting me to hang out. I even joined some sports teams.

Naturally, I became very attached to my great liberator, exercise. How could I not? It made me feel great, bolstered my social life, gave me energy, and all the other merits that we constantly hear about exercise.

But, there was also a dark side to this life changing health decision.

Exercise and Attachment

This last month I have been sick. Not terribly ill, but definitely not able to run and workout like I want to. And I think I have prolonged my illness to some degree by still pushing myself more than I should have. For me, I am so attached to the boost I get from exercise, that when I don’t have that in my life I start to get really down on myself. I have a good base in meditation and mindfulness practice, but I am still human and I still have my attachments. It takes quite a bit of work for me to “take it easy” and “listen to my body.” And how do you even “listen to your body” anyway?

woman feeling exhausted at work
Do I need a break, or should I keep pushing? (hint: you probably need a break!)

I hear it all the time, “listen to your body, if you need to rest, rest.” But then I also hear the opposite, “push yourself, when you are feeling tired, that’s the time to push even harder!” And, to be honest, I mostly end up just following the advice that suits my mood in the moment, but that’s not always the healthiest choice.

For example, in this recent bout of illness, my body was telling me to slow down, nap, drink tea and CHILL. But I hate the feeling of being unproductive, and when I don’t workout I feel that inner child bookworm creeping up. Or rather, I could say that I am attached to the feeling of being productive, and instead of asking how I could console this inner child that is struggling, I am pushing her away.

It doesn’t sound so good when I put it that way. But that’s the reality of it. To really understand how to actually listen to our bodies, we have to first talk about wanting vs attachment.

Getting Past the “Shoulds”

When I am really listening to my body, most of the time I still want to work out. I love the way it makes me feel, the health benefits I get, and the joy of moving my body in the great outdoors. The difference is that I am not attached to working out, because I can tune in and listen to my sensations and trust my intuition. So, if I get signals from my body that I need to rest, nap, take more time to relax, I can listen to that instead of shaming myself out of it. This is the goal, but that takes practice.

The most common way we disregard what our bodies are trying to tell is by shaming ourselves. My favorite guilt trip is, “Wow, you are being so lazy. You had so much you were going to get done today, and you’re just going to nap? How dare you! When everyone else in the world is out there working!”

Pretty mean, huh? If I talked that way to my friends, I probably wouldn’t have any. But it is not uncommon for us to talk to ourselves in this way. How can we allow for that? It stems from attachment, to the way we think we should act, should look, should engage with our world.

In order to be able to connect with our intuition, a.k.a. be able to “listen to my body,” we have to learn how to let go. To let go of the “shoulds” and get back to our sensations in the present moment.

Learning to Let Go: Two Versions of the Self

Letting go is hard. It’s hard because we feel like we are going to fall apart without the things that hold us together. For me, working out on a regular routine is one of those things. Part of me feels that if I skip a week or two of working out, I’m going to be horribly out of shape, feel awful, and be a hypocrite (because a lot of my job as a physical therapist is teaching people about exercise!). This is the part of me I call the Fear Self. But there’s another part of me that knows I’m going to be okay. This second part is what I call the Rational Self. She looks at the big picture, and knows that I will get back to working out when I am better, that by taking a real break I will heal faster and get back to my routine faster. The rational self is rooted in truth and fact instead of fear and worry.

At first, the fear self is always louder. She comes up with all sorts of reasons to be concerned, sad, and frustrated. She is small minded and short term focused.

The rational self is quieter, she’s always there but needs to be called upon to speak up. By seeing the long term results and the reality of the situation, she can make good decisions without being influenced by self imposed “shoulds.”

How To Quiet the Fear Self

To connect with your rational self means to listen to your body, in a real and non-superficial way. In order to do this, we need to first identify our fear self. By naming our fears and worries, we can clearly see how irrational and unhelpful they are. The next time you find yourself criticizing yourself, acknowledge that this is the Fear Self. Tell her that you see her, and you appreciate her concern for you, but you’ve got this one under control.

Here’s an example:

Fear self: “You are not even sick, you are just being lazy. You have all this time to be working on projects and getting fit and you’re not using it! You’ll never get this opportunity again!” (hint: all-or-nothing words like “never” are a clear sign that the fear self is talking).

Me: “Okay, I see you, Fear Self. Thank you for looking out for me, but I am doing what is best for me right now.”

It doesn’t help to get mad at or blame your Fear Self. That will just have the opposite effect. Instead, think of your Fear Self as a scared child, who needs comforting and consolation, not to be yelled at or scolded.

*Remember: listening to your body starts with being kind to yourself.

Of course, you won’t be able to catch every critical comment, but whenever you are able to go through the process of calling out the Fear Self, you are developing new neural connections that make it easier to do the next time. It is a skill to cultivate and hone.

Once you’ve identified the fear self, she loses her power. Just by naming it, you begin to see the fears and worries for what they are: intangible ways of keeping us stagnant in our old patterns. To move forward, to grow and expand as a human being, we need to connect with the rational self.

How to Connect with the Rational Self

Once the fear self is quiet, the rational self can emerge. Let’s stick with the example above.

Fear self: “You are not even sick, you are just being lazy. You have all this time to be working on projects and getting fit and you’re not using it! You’ll never get this opportunity again!” (hint, all-or-nothing words like “never” are a clear sign that the fear self is talking.

Me: “Okay, I see you, Fear Self. Thank you for looking out for me, but I am doing what is best for me right now.”

Connecting with your rational self and listening to your body

From this point, I can ask the Rational Self, “what do I really need to do right now? Am I being lazy, or am I actually sick?” Then I focus on the area of my belly or chest, and wait until I get an answer. This also takes some practice, but really it doesn’t work if you over think it. Just ask, focus on the center of your chest, and see what comes up. For me, the answer way, “Girl, you are actually sick! Rest up!” And when I heard that my thought was, “Duh! How have I been ignoring this obvious advice?”

The harder part is actually listening to that advice. And I promise you, if you continue to not listen, your body will make you listen. In the past, I’ve pushed myself to the point where I HAD to lay in bed for a while. That is my old pattern, to keep pushing and ignore those signals to slow down. I’m not perfect, that’s for sure, and it takes effort for me to change this pattern. Of course, doing the things the way we’ve always done them is easier. It’s an inertia, you’ll keep going the way you were always going unless some effort is applied in another direction.

So, as for me, I’m still working on taking it easy, and listening to those signals from my body. Sometimes I don’t want to listen, and I give in to the Fear Self. But I keep trying, and I’m getting better.

With all the latest diets, pain “cures” and workouts at our finger tips, it can be really hard to decide what works for you and what doesn’t. But the more you can connect with your Rational Self, your True Self, the easier you will be able to navigate decisions about what is best for you.

Have you ever struggled with the Fear Self, or had trouble listening to your body? I’d love to hear your story. Share your story by leaving a comments below.

May you find ease in your body.

Derya

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